Balm

It's been a pretty hard week so far. I have had a headache since Sunday, Monday was a terrible day at work, and I fell and hurt myself pretty badly. In a shocking display of lack of grace, I managed to fall on and very painfully hurt the small of my back. It is incredibly painful still, over 36 hours later and there is a dark purple hand sized bruise.

I came home today and parked myself in the big soft chair and read for five or so hours until I finished my book. I didn't listen to music while I read or watch tv or even knit. I just read and read and read. I feel better than I've felt for quite a while. Now that I have finished my book, the headache is back a little, but I'm left with that quietness I've been missing.

This is something I discover over and over again. I am eternally grateful to the people in my life who taught me how to love reading. That is something that can be so frustrating with the kids at school - I don't understand the ones who hate to read; when I was in second grade I could be kept busy for hours with a stack of books. I love that books are such a big part of my life, I love the places they take me, the emotions they evoke.

Jorah and I congratulate ourselves occasionally on being books and movies people. Our idea of a great Saturday night is to wander around the big bookstore on the west side for a few hours picking out a big stack of books or movies, and then putting most of them back, but getting some. I remember a day at Oberlin where I took a blanket out under a tree and just read for most of a Saturday - one of my best days there. I remember days reading in the swing on the back porch at my parents' house, or climbing out my bedroom window and reading on the roof.

Today I read the second half of Assassin's Quest, the third book in the Farseer Triology, which is the first triology in a triology of triologies about the awakening of magic and the saving of the world in a fantasy land. The Farseer is about a young royal bastard, Fitz, and his friends trying to save their kingdom, the Six Duchies. The next is about the traders from Bingtown who live far to the south of the Six Duchies, and the third triology returns to Fitz and his friends in crisis again. They are written by genius Robin Hobb.

The Fitz books have a special place in my heart because the characters all seem so real to me. I'm a pretty introverted and often lonely person and characters like Fitz and Verity and Burrich and Molly and Chade and Patience and Kettriken and Nighteyes mean more to me than many people I used to know. That makes me somewhat uncomfortable now that I examine it. Do I love them because they cannot hurt me? Because Fitz loves so fiercely and Verity is so true and Kettriken is all honor and strength? They are certainly flawed in the books - that is one thing that makes them mean so much. Maybe it is because they are flawed, but test themselves and rise to the challenge after all. Fitz is certainly the most flawed, but you see his mind the most, how much he has suffered, and cannot help but empathize with him.

Yes, I suppose all of my Farseer friends are somewhat idealized. But I like them the better for it and being with them soothes me in a way that being with real people doesn't. As Giles says,

The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and... everybody lives happily ever after.

That isn't really how it goes in Fitz, for one thing, lots of people die. But I am comforted all the same.